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Advice to helicopter parents: 'put the student on the phone'

Contact: Angela Brown, University Housing, (517) 355-7457, browna@msu.edu; or Geoff Koch, University Relations, (517) 432-0924, kochg@msu.edu   

“But I’m the one paying the bills.”

Director of University Housing Angela Brown hears this phrase often from overzealous parents of MSU students. Usually the complaint comes after Brown encourages these parents, many of whom call to intervene about seemingly minor housing issues, to let their children work it out on their own.

“I usually say, ‘put the student on the phone or tell him or her to call me back,’” Brown said. She adds that since students who stay on campus sign a housing contract with the university, “at the very least, there are some basic student-university confidentiality obligations that we need to adhere to.”

But the calls from so-called “helicopter parents,” those who hover about the lives of even their adult children, seem to increase every year. Brown believes that such excessive involvement is in part an outgrowth of hectic family schedules. Parents are used to scrambling to help their kids make the most of day-to-day life, the hallmarks of which are less free time and more competition, she says.

Then there’s the more timeless issue of off-to-college angst.

“We’ve had obviously well-meaning mothers and fathers break down and cry – sob even – in discussing concerns about how their children are handling a certain issue on campus,” Brown says. “Sending kids off to college is always a time of transitions and parents have to walk a difficult line between giving space and providing support.”

Because of an explosion in technology, especially cell phones, it’s not always parents who call her office directly. Brown says she has been in conversations with students who, feeling like they’re at an impasse, “will pull out their phone, dial a number and say, ‘here, talk to my mom.’”

Despite such stories, the way to sort though most student housing issues, such as roommate squabbles, remains largely unchanged. Students are encouraged to work through a well-established network of dorm-based resident advisers and senior housing staff. And sometimes the advice is even more prosaic.    

“Unless it’s an issue of safety, we’ll often advise students to relax, get a good night’s sleep and mull things over for a day,” Brown says. “Often the issue seems to be much less of a catastrophe 24 hours later.”    
 
However, in a world of 24/7-connected parents and children, such advice can be difficult to follow.

Editor’s note: Brown can give names and contact information of MSU resident advisers and resident hall managers who have experience and stories related to helicopter parents.